How to Be Respected by Wives

Scripture commands wives to be submissive to their husbands and husbands to love their wives (Ephesians 5:22). Two weeks ago I wrote a column, “How to Be Loved by Husbands.” To be fair, I felt that I should also write a column “How to Be Respected by Wives.” However, I thought it would be best if a female wrote the column. So I asked Sister Sun Hee Cho, who leads our class on marriage and is known to be a model wife, to write the column for me. I hope you enjoy it. – Pastor Chai

1. Be on my side.

When a wife has a problem, she usually wants to talk with someone who shares her point of view. But when she talks with her husband about it, he tends to unknowingly take the opponent’s side:

“I don’t know why David’s mom kept picking on me. She is so weird!”

“Maybe you deserved to be picked on. She seems OK to me.”

When a husband replies like this, the conversation is more likely to conclude with the wife making an irrational remark like, “If you like her that much, why don’t you just go live with her?” Had the husband responded to her with something like, “I couldn’t agree with you more. She is indeed weird!” the wife would tremble with excitement over the miracle of him agreeing with her. And then she would reward her husband with an extra special dinner that night as she thinks: “I don’t need a lot of money; I only need this man who truly knows my heart.”

2. Good things come in small packages

Wives are pleased by trivial acts of caring. Conversely, sometimes a husband’s tone of voice can turn her world upside down. Surprisingly, wives count small and large gifts of love the same. Therefore, instead of trying to impress her with a fabulous, big one-time-only event, try making frequent, small gestures like brushing the dust off her shoulder, or making a little phone call informing her of your whereabouts when you’re late, or lighting candles for her birthday or anniversary. These will light the path toward obedience to her husband.

3. Be aware

There’s an old saying: women know too much about things they don’t need to know and men don’t know anything about things they really ought to know. A good example is when a wife places a full garbage bag by the door to be carried out, and the husband steps around it as if he doesn’t see it. Of course, we all know that men are designed to focus on one thing at a time and we already know that this is a lot to expect, but in wives’ minds, love is acting before being asked. Therefore, we would like you to ask us frequently what needs to be done around the house and if it’s not done immediately, then at least compromise with us by giving a timeframe for completion as a sign of your consideration. Then we will draw the gift of respect from the well of feeling-being-loved and dedicate it to you.

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