To Leave Your Parents

There are many things newly wedded couples should remember to create a happy marriage, but most important thing among these is to cut the bond with your parents. God gave us a family as a community and the children are raised and trained under the parent’s authority for a set amount of time. But after the children grow up and the time comes for them to marry, they need to cut the mental and emotional bond with their parents and need to create new relationship with their spouses. (Ge2:24)

This is because whether we know it or not, we have a deeply rooted bond with our parents and if this bond is not resolved in a healthy way, it could lead to marital problems. Easy examples are when the man complains that his mother’s soup is much better, or when the woman remembers being favored by her father and expects same from her husband. These are the images of not being able to leave their parents behind. These behaviors can hinder them from developing a healthy marriage. Opposite to this, if they have not been able to forgive their parents on some issue or resolve them and discover similar traits in their spouses, and they have a strong negative reaction, that could leave to problems. We can say they also have not been able to leave their parents behind.

Among the emotional bonds that is most dangerous and we need to resolve it clearly is to think that your family members including your parents are all on your side and they will be behind you in any issue. With these thoughts, you quickly call your parents to complain about anything and if there is a big fight, you goto your parent’s house. It is okay to ask for your parent’s advice when there is a problem, but if you get them involved every time problems develop, this can lead to getting your parents involved in your personal fights and the problems could become out of control. In a marital relationship, you need to resolve your own problems and if you get your parent to be involved, other people’s emotions come into play and the problem can become more difficult to resolve.

Parents will always be very sensitive toward their own children and will be hearing from one-sided opinion from their own child, which will lead to the parents thinking worse about the spouse and may not grasp the situation fairly. So newly wedded couples should always refrain from going to their parents every time there is a marital problem. When their married children come to them after a fight, parents should also learn to look at the situation from both sides and should allow them to resolve the problems by themselves.

Specifically, our church has a marriage preparatory bible class and married couple bible class. These can be used to develop good marital relationships, and House Church can be a natural place to be counseled and healed between couples. If the couple has a will to resolve the problems and do not leave House Church, they have a chance to develop better relationships with each other. When they do not expand the problem but share them in a transparent way in their House Church community, the couple’s problem can be resolved naturally.

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