I wrote this issue of “From the Pastor’s Desk” for several New Life single women who have come up to me and asked me, “Pastor Eric, how do I know that he is from God and is the right one for me?”
Ten questions to ask a man who approaches you and tells you, “You are the One!”:
1. Are you willing to fast and pray for 40 days to seek God’s will before you pursue this relationship?
Of course we are not talking about fasting three meals a day for 40 days but one consistent meal each day whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner. However, it will be important that this meal be a consistent and set one for 40 days instead of changing it from breakfast to lunch to dinner from day to day based on his own convenience. This will reveal a lot about consistency and steadfastness in his character.
You need a husband who knows how to make difficult decisions in life by seeking God’s will through fasting and prayer.
2. Are you willing to fast from seeing or corresponding with each other completely for 40 days?
You need a husband who has self-control and can patiently wait upon God.
3. How is your Bible reading? Are you willing to deeply dwell on God’s word, reading 5 chapters a day, to fill your mind with God’s Word everyday?
You need a husband who has a working knowledge of God’s Word and who respects and submits himself to the authority of the Scriptures.
4. Are you tithing to the place of your worship from your gross income? If not, will you begin tithing right away beginning this week and all the days of your life?
You need a husband who puts his faith and trust in God not in money. Our security comes from God not from material things. Many couples struggle with the issue of money because their checkbook is not surrendered to God and His Kingdom work.
5. Is your sexual/moral life clean? Do you watch R-rated movies, and do you visit porno sites on the Internet? If so, will you cut them off as of now?
You need a husband who is holy and pure before God. And I don’t have to mention how many marriages have fallen apart because of sexual immorality and adulterous relationships!
6. Are you totally committed to your house church? Are you an active participant? If not, will you begin to do that as of this week and never skip your house church unless there is a dire emergency?
You need a husband who will not bail out from the community of believers. It will be the community who will give you the help and support you need in times of trouble in the future. A man who doesn’t take his involvement in a believing community seriously has danger signs written all over him.
7. How is your prayer life? Do you pray at least 20 minutes a day? Do you come out to the Monday morning men’s prayer meeting? If not, will you pray for 20 minutes a day at least four times a week, make your best effort to come out to the men’s prayer meeting on Monday and also on Sunday morning intercessory prayer when it is the single men’s turn to do so?
You need a husband who will get on his knees to pray and rely on God not on himself. You also need a man who is able to train and discipline himself for the purpose of prayer, which is the greatest human activity on this earth!
8. How important is Sunday corporate worship to you? Will you resolve not to miss it except for dire emergency cases? And where do you sit to worship on Sunday? Will you sit in the front and worship God with a focused heart and mind?
You need a husband who is a worshiper who worships God in spirit and in truth.
9. Are you overweight? Do you exercise regularly? Are you willing to work out and exercise at least twice a week?
You need a husband who is healthy and strong for you, your children and for God’s Kingdom work.
10. If the pastor or the church leaders were to ask you to pack up and go to a very dangerous mission field for a year or two, would you go?
You need a husband who clearly understands what it means to be a man under authority. If he cannot submit to and obey those visible authority figures God has placed over his life, he cannot and will not obey the invisible God. Moreover, if he tells you that he is willing to live and die for you but is unwilling to do that for God and His Kingdom, he is worshiping you more than he is worshiping God. He is an idol worshiper! Stay away from him!
Ask these ten questions to him. And it will be okay to print this out and have it with you when you do it. It is very important that he says “yes” to all ten questions because I believe that these are things that all growing, God- honoring men must be doing anyways. If he is not willing to do all ten of them faithfully, then the answer is clear – he is not the right one for you. Or perhaps he is, but he is not yet ready for the relationship. Marriage is extremely important, and without God, we cannot build and experience it the way God designed it. That’s why you need a growing, God-honoring man. You are not asking for a super extraordinary spiritual giant. You are simply asking for an ordinary man who honors God and is growing to become more like Jesus! Don’t take your chances on your marriage because it is too precious! Marriage takes a lot of hard work, time and creative effort. However, if it is done right, it will be awesome! But if not, it will turn into a nightmare!
Even though I realize that many men might get offended and possibly go to another church, I wrote this “From the Pastor’s Desk” because marriage is extremely significant and precious. It is supposed to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church.
I didn’t write this because I or the team leaders who are married have kept all these before we got married. Instead, I wrote this for you because all the team leaders, whether they are married or single, are strongly moving towards the direction of following the ten criteria that I have listed here. And as I mentioned to you earlier, these are things that all the Christ followers must be developing and practicing in their life regardless of the possibility of getting into a marriage relationship!
Men of New Life, marriage is important and our ladies are precious! Are you willing to do the following for God, for her, but especially for yourself?
Your pastor,
Eric
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