Several couples in our church are so devoted to each other that they’re envied by other couples. Some wives compare their husbands to them and become envious of their lucky wives. But I’ve found that wives who don’t seem to do anything but be pampered by their husbands are in fact doing a lot to be loved by their husbands. One thing they all do without exception is try to boost their husbands’ self-esteem.
The best way for wives to enhance their husbands’ self-esteem is to love them with their husbands’ love languages. If their love language is physical touch, provide them with full sexual satisfaction. If their love language is words of affirmation, compliment them appropriately. If it’s gifts, give them thoughtful presents from time to time. If it’s acts of service, willingly meet their daily needs. If it’s quality time, pay attention and actively listen when they talk. Wives don’t need to be perfect to be loved and admired by their husbands. When husbands’ primary love needs are met, they don’t really care about the rest.
In history books, we read about kings and emperors who fall madly in love with women, resulting in the downfall of the countries they rule. People assume that it was the women’s beauty that enchanted those men. But I think that their effect on men can’t be explained by their physical appearance alone. Men become used to physical beauty very quickly; I think that these women knew men’s love languages and how to exploit them.
In the Pensées, Pascal remarks “Cleopatra’s nose, had it been shorter, the whole face of the world would have been changed.” He also seems to assume that it was Cleopatra’s physical beauty that captivated men. But the ancient historian Plutarch writes that “her beauty, as we are told, was in itself not altogether incomparable, nor such as to strike those who saw her.” I think men fell for her because she knew their love languages and made use of them.
Scripture commands wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). Some contemporary Christian wives detest the term “submit” because they feel that the word degrades women. But the command is really a secret for wives about how to be loved by their husbands. No husband loves a wife who tears down his self-esteem. When wives build their husbands’ self-esteem by being submissive, husbands in turn cannot help but love their wives.
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