Last few weeks, I have been experiencing God’s closeness and His voice speaking gently to my soul. I felt depressed, lonely, lost, and sad because of the hardships my dad was facing.
I see my dad in his old age having nothing. He once had a single home, but my oldest brother sold it to get a bigger house to live together. However, due to an unfortunate business investment, my oldest brother lost everything.
My dad had to move from an apartment to an apartment because he has no place of his own. He doesn’t have 401K plan or any bank accounts. In the eyes of the world, he owns nothing. I was so sad to see my dad live in such a circumstance, and I started to question God’s goodness.
I asked God why does my dad have nothing when he faithfully served the Church and cared for his family? I cried out to God in my morning prayers wanting to hear from Him.
God most gently spoke to me and said, “The reason why your dad has nothing is because he lived to give it all away. He kept nothing for himself just like My Son who didn’t even have a place to lay down his head.” The Lord continued to speak to me and said, “Your dad is a true servant, and his treasures are with me here in heaven. I have prepared a mansion for him, so do not be so sad.”
I felt renewed by the voice of God, and now my sorrow became my joy. I am determined to live like my dad. At the end of my life, I wish to have nothing, because I had lived to give everything away. I found a new vision in the darkness of my valley and realized the deeper the valley the brighter the stars will shine.
May the prayer of the Puritan bless you:
Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.
P. Tae
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